Self-awareness

The first competency in Goleman’s emotional intelligence book Primal Leadership is Self-Awareness. This means you are aware of your own emotions and what causes them. It means having a realistic self-assessment of your own strengths and limitations.

This sounds easier than it often is. We almost always have a blindspot when it comes to ourselves. It is sometimes hard to be fully aware of what is really causing our anger, frustration, or loss of confidence. We kid ourselves into thinking it is someone else’s fault or someone else “made us feel…”

I have many times seen leaders who do not realize their role in how others respond to them. While blaming others they have failed to look in the mirror to ask what they could do differently to get a different response. As Dr. Phil is often quoted, “How’s that working for you?”

 

Groundhog Day

I have been doing a lot of work with my coaching clients lately around holding people accountable. We have been using the book Crucial Confrontations–Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. In the book they discuss how to handle the recurring issues that make it seem like the movie, Groundhog Day. You feel like you keep having the same conversations over and over.

I really like the approach the authors take, which is that once you have had the conversation a couple times and the behavior doesn’t change even though the person promised they would, it is time to have a different conversation. The real issue becomes a lack of trust. “You said you would do X and you didn’t.” As the lack of trust grows, the relationship falters and it is difficult to work or live together.

It all goes back to setting good expectations and following up. Don’t let people use “something came up” as an all purpose excuse. Make sure that they know if something looks like it will prevent them from accomplishing what they said they would do, you want to know as soon as possible. Then you can make alternate plans if necessary instead of having the “you did it again” discussion.

I think this could be one of the most valuable tools in a leader’s toolbox.

 

Performance Management

It’s the start of a new year and most of us have new goals at work. In this time of economic insecurity the best thing we can do to protect jobs is to make sure we are working toward achieving the organizational strategic objectives. As leaders we have an obligation to inform and coach our employees so that they know what is expected of them to perform successfully. Therefore, it is very important that you communicate the strategic objectives of your organization and tie all the goals possible to achieving those objectives.

I just returned from a meeting on performance management with a group of consultants who are in the performance improvement business. Wayne Nelsen, of Keyne Insight, coined the term “strexecution” to describe the point at which performance management goes from planning to execution. So often this part is missing. Great strategic plans are made, but then the everyday workings of an organization go along without any alignment to those plans. Keyne Insight  has developed an online product called KeyneLink that directly ties goals to strategic objectives and facilitates communication between manager and direct reports so that regular feedback ensures accomplishment.

I have found so often that people think performance management is synonymous with performance appraisal, but this is far from the truth. Performance management is the act of setting expectations for performance, giving regular feedback to remove obstacles and provide resources, and review outcomes of performance. This must happen more than once per year to be effective.  Good performance management is 4-6 times per year. The communication is far more important to successful performance than any form.

I am passionate about the importance of good performance management. Contact me if you want more information on making your performance management better.

 

Managing the boss

During my working years I have had the good fortune (or misfortune) to work for some very demanding and difficult bosses. I have had people ask me how I could stand to work for them. However, I had a pretty good relationship with all of them.  As I consult with leaders and their staffs, I have often heard people frustrated with their bosses but they don’t think they can do anything about it.

I think a key ingredient in your career success is managing the boss’s expectations of you. If you think you are working hard, but are not doing what the boss thinks is important, you are wasting your time. Your boss may be wrong but she/he is the boss. It is very important that you are clear about what your boss wants from you and when. Make sure you know outcomes desired and their priorities. Also, make sure you know what types of things they need to know and what types of things they want to approve.

As a leader, it would be good for us to give these things to our staffs automatically, but the truth is that in the fast pace of every business today, we don’t always take time to give as much direction as we should. Therefore, it becomes incumbent upon the employee to ask questions for clarification and communicate status on projects before the boss has to ask.

I think the reason I got along well with my difficult and demanding bosses was because I figured out what was important to them and made sure they got it when they wanted it. If I disagreed, I had an alternative solution. If I made a decision without them that might have been controversial, I alerted them as soon as possible so they didn’t hear it from someone else, and I owned up to my mistakes and their remedy quickly. I think it is not only possible to manage the boss, but imperative if you want to move ahead in your career.

 

Can I trust you?

A lot of trust is based on integrity and reliability. People want to know you will do what you say you will do. I think we usually intend to do what we say we will do, but sometimes things come up that we didn’t expect, or it is more difficult, or whatever. The key thing in maintaining trust is to let someone know the change in outcome as soon as possible. Whenever someone can’t deliver on what they promised, we expect a call or an email or something to tell us there may be a delay or that it can’t be done. Most people will forgive you if you just let them know ahead of time to change their expectations. That gives people enough time to alter their plans if possible. However, when we expect something that doesn’t happen and it feels like the other person blew us off, we lose trust with that person for the next time. I think we expect reliability but we are willing to be flexible, albeit more flexible on some things than others, if the other person gives us the courtesy of letting us know and apologizing before, not after.

 

Crucial Conversations

Lately I’ve been talking with several of my clients about how to have difficult conversations with others. It seems that conflict is something we just can’t get away from. As soon as two people get together, there is the possibility of conflict. That’s not bad. What’s bad is not knowing how to discuss the difference of opinion without either person feeling defensive or hurt.

I have been using the two books, Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations, both authored by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler. I have found they provide some good models for talking productively. A key ingredient that is contained in both books is creating safety first. Whenever the stakes are high in the relationship or the topic is emotional, you have to create safety so the other person doesn’t have to raise his defenses. The goal is to get into open dialog. I think the models are pretty practical and I highly recommend them if you want to improve your skills in this area.